


Remember Me

by Scarberrita



Category: The Musketeers (2014), d'Artagnan Romances (Three Musketeers Series) - All Media Types
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Athos Angst, Athos Whump, Drinking, Hurt Aramis, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-02-14 16:50:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13012032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarberrita/pseuds/Scarberrita
Summary: It's been three days. Three days since one of the loves of my life hit his head and lost his memory.. Of me. He remembers the others, I mean why wouldn't he? They are magnificent. And me? I'm just a self hating drunk. Why would he remember me?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and suggestions are welcome!

It's been three days. Three days since one of the loves of my life hit his head and lost his memory.. Of me. He remembers the others, I mean why wouldn't he? They are magnificent. And me? I'm just a self hating drunk. Why would he remember me? 

Athos sits alone in a dark pub slowly drinking his wine and drowning out his sorrows. Three days ago, Aramis slipped during training and hit his head on a rock. Everything seemed fine until Athos walked into the room. 

Athos shakes his head trying desperately to get his thoughts to stop.. But why won't he remember me? Getting up, Athos throws coins on the table and leaves. He wants to go home but they think it's best if he gives Aramis space right now. 

It's better for Athos as well. It hurts that he isn't remembered like Porthos and D'Artagnan. It hurts that Aramis remembers D'Artagnan over him. Tears well up in Athos eyes as he walks back to his rented room at the Garrison. It's not fair! Athos wants to scream at the top of his lungs, wants to scream at Aramis. It's not fair that you forgot our love! Doesn't it mean anything to you? Do I mean anything to you?

Athos shivers as he walks.. He really should have brought a coat but he left in a hurry, not wanting to be around his three loves. It's almost Christmas.. The first Christmas he'll spend alone since meeting Aramis and Porthos. That hurts even more.. The loneliness. Sure Porthos and D'Artagnan will come see him and bring him gifts and he will give them their gifts but it's not the same without Aramis. It's not the same as being home and being with them. Why did he have to slip?

Athos sighs as he enters his empty and cold room. He quickly gets a fire built but the place still feels dull and lifeless. I should get use to this, his thoughts tell him, Aramis may never remember me. His heart aches deep in his chest and he searches for more wine. Maybe if he gets drunk enough he will pass out and not have to think about this anymore. Maybe if he gets drunk enough he'll never wake up again and this will all be over.

They're better off without me, he thinks darkly. They don't need me. I only bring them down and suck out the joy. I'm a burden and this is for the best. I deserve to be alone...

A knock on the door pulls him from his thoughts. He shakes his head and stands up to answer. He briefly considered pretending he wasn't home, not wanting to act like he was okay. Curiosity got the best of him though. Who wants to see me? His thoughts sneered. Opening the door he was shocked to find Aramis on the other side. 

"Athos.. Can I come in?" He asks tentatively. 

"Um.. Of course" Athos moves to the side as Aramis enters. 

Aramis looks around the mostly empty room and presses his lips together in a disapproving manner.

"Have a seat.. Sorry I don't have much here" Athos says "do you want a drink?" 

"Yes please" Aramis sits and watches Athos pour them wine. 

"I have to admit that seeing you here is a bit of a shock" Athos says as he sets down a cup for Aramis and sits down across from him. 

Aramis clears his throat and takes a small sip of his wine. "About that.. I feel bad that you left. I know I don't remember you but Porthos told me we were friends, close friends. I guess that's why you were living with us" 

Athos sucks in a deep breath finding it terribly hard to breathe all of the sudden. He is fully aware that Porthos did not go into detail about how close they truly were. Aramis looks at him with concern and Athos realizes that he hasn't responded yet. 

"Yes, but i felt it best to give the three of you space while you recover and t-to not make you feel bad about not re-remembering me" Athos stutters and takes a long drink from his cup of wine. 

Aramis gave Athos what he could only describe as a puppy dog look. "Oh Athos, I do feel bad for not remembering my closest friend. One I obviously trust very much. Porthos also told me that you know about him, D'Artagnan and I." Aramis looked away, his cheeks becoming slightly pink. 

Athos had to fight the urge to laugh, not only at the fact that Aramis was blushing but, also laugh bitterly at the fact that he is being erased from their history. He knows why Porthos didn't tell him. Logically he knows but that doesn't stop it from hurting. He feels like the knife in his heart was twisted and there is nothing that can stop the pain. He thinks that maybe he should pack up and leave.. They seem happier without him anyway.

"I've known you and Porthos for years. I knew about the two of you before you two even knew yourselves" Athos left out the part where he was completely blind to that fact that they both were madly in love with him as well. 

Aramis smiles brightly at the thought "Porthos said something similar. He's been telling me stories hoping to jog my memory"

"That's very kind of him" Athos says as evenly as he can manage and hopes that Aramis doesn't catch the strain in his voice.

"You should sit with us tomorrow. D'Artagnan said that you always sit with us" 

"We will see" Athos forced a tight smile on his face. 

Aramis sighed and stood up. "I should go, it's getting late and you look tired" 

Athos stood up and walked him to the door, opening it for him. "Until tomorrow" 

"Until tomorrow" Aramis repeated and walked away. Leaving Athos alone once more with his thoughts.

With a sigh Athos downed the rest of the wine and climbed into bed hoping that tomorrow will be easier. He laughs at himself for that thought. It's never going to be easier. A single tear rolls down his cheek that he quickly wipes away. He is not going to cry. He is not going to cry. HE IS NOT GOING TO CRY! NO! HE WILL NOT CRY ALONE IN HIS PATHETIC RENTED ROOM!

Athos takes short, fast breaths as he holds back the dam that is about to burst. He's gotten through these past two nights alone and he can do it again. He's slept alone numerous times since they got together.. Of course they knew who he was and he knew that he would be seeing them the next day. It will be okay. Porthos and D'Artagnan won't leave him alone forever.. Or maybe they will. 

Athos lets out a sob at the thought. He can't lose them all. They are all he has in this miserable world. Without them he has no point in living. No! He can't think that way.. Thinking that way is dangerous but it's true. He's nothing without his lovers.


	2. Chapter 2

'I was alone before.. I could go back to that' Athos thought while laying alone in his bed. It's early in the morning and the sun just began to rise. He didn't sleep much and what little sleep he got was not in the least bit restful. His mind replaying old memories he had with Aramis. Of course his traitorous thoughts kept interrupting with painful statements like 'you will never have another day like that again' and 'no one will know about this but you because Aramis forgot'

Sitting up, Athos scrubs his hand down his face and sighs. He has a pounding headache and his eyes sting but he knows he will not be getting anymore sleep so he might as well get the day started so he can get it over with. Another pain filled day full of pretending. 'Which mask shall l wear today?' He cruelly joked with himself. Maybe today he can get the Captain to send him on a solo mission. Even if it's only a half day one. As long as he doesn't have to see them. As much as he aches to be in their arms, their company, he doesn't think he can bare it. 

Getting up, Athos washes his face and stares at himself in the mirror. He has dark circles under his eyes, his hair is a mess, he needs to shave and his eyes are empty. He's empty. He knew he shouldn't have gotten close, that everyone eventually leaves. He knew that he shouldn't have listened to the promises, shouldn't have believed the words they were saying. He always knew when it came down to it the three of them would choose one of the others over him. What was he worth anyway? 

Shaking his head, he began to get dressed. Thinking that if he left early enough he wouldn't even see them in the yard and wouldn't have to accept Aramis' invite to the table. It would look strange if he separated himself from his "friends" completely after all. He knew that at first everyone would understand why Athos kept his distance, losing a friend was never easy. Even if said friend wasn't technically dead. After awhile though they'd start to wonder why he hasn't tried to rebuild his friendship. Why he stopped being friends with Porthos and D'Artagnan. Why he stopped functioning as a normal human who's heart wasn't ripped out and shredded. 

Taking a deep breath, Athos left the lonely comfort of his room and entered the cold world of pretend. He could do this.. Maybe.

Athos shivers as he scans the yard, he was pleased that he didn't see any of them. That took a huge weight off his shoulders and the relief he felt was strong. Realizing that stung. He use to scan the yard and be disappointed when he didn't see one of his lovers, not that that happened very often. Now he is relived when he doesn't see them. He hurried to the Captains office before anyone could spot him and ask him about Aramis. He's been getting that a lot lately. Their fellow musketeers are concerned about the fact Aramis forgot him and they ask for progress reports. Athos hates it because he has to tell them that there is still no memory of him and act like that doesn't tear out his very soul. 

He entered Trèville's office after knocking and receiving a "come in". It took him a moment to get the courage to knock on the door. He was pretty sure their Captain knew of their relationship but it's not something you speak about. Trèville is like a father to them and he doesn't want to disappoint him by showing him how big of a coward he truly is. 

"Athos, good morning" Trèville says as he turns towards him.

"Good morning, Sir. I was wondering if there was a solo mission you could send me on?" Athos replies, not wanting to waste anytime.

Trèville studies him for a minute before he nods his head and Athos is instantly flooded with relief. He barely holds back a smile. This is the first good news he had in... Four days now.. Four long agonizing days. 

"There is a letter that needs to be delivered to Comte de' Sacre. It's a two day ride there, you'll stay a day and wait on the reply and a two day trip back. You'll be gone for five days. Is that long enough?" Trèville asks with a knowing look. 

"Plenty. I can leave in a half hour" Athos replies and leaves to get packed. He is buzzing with excitement to get out of Paris and away from his lovers, his pain. Of course his mind had to go and ruin it. 

Porthos and D'Artagnan will be happy that he is leaving. They won't have to put up with his depression and they won't have to baby him. He is nothing but a burden. 'Maybe I should stay gone.. Fake an attack and disappear'. The only one who would notice that he didn't return is Trèville but only because he is expecting a letter. Realistically he knew he couldn't do it. He was weak and he needed them, even at a distance he needed them. He could watch them, make sure they are okay. He can't do that if he leaves and it will only make his thoughts and nightmares worse. 

Shoving the last item in the bag, Athos looked around the room to make sure he didn't forget anything. Satisfied that he got everything, he slings the bag over his shoulder and opens the door. Porthos is standing outside, his hand raised prepared to knock.

"Porthos" Athos says surprised

"Hi. Um.." Porthos pauses and scratches the back of his head in a shy manner "This is stupid. I should have just walked in" he pushes past Athos into the room.

"I can't stay long" Athos says as he shuts the door and sets down his bag "is everything okay?"

Porthos eyes follow the bag before he answers. "Yeah. Aramis was just concerned after last night. He told me that he came to see you. I wanted to know how you were doing. I miss you." 

Athos sits on his bed and looks at Porthos. Studies the way he is acting. 'He's uncomfortable with me' his mind supplies. 

"I'm fine" he lies "I miss you too. All of you" He adds honestly. 

"Where are you going?" Porthos asks curiously and slightly worried. 

"The Captain is sending me on a solo mission to deliver a letter. I'll be back in five days" 

"Five days" Porthos repeats in a whisper. 

Athos heart aches at the sound. He knows that Porthos hates when one of them leaves for a long period of time. He's hated it since Savoy. He worries and barely sleeps. Guilt creeps into Athos and settles in the pit of his stomach.

"Can someone go with you? Me or D'Art?" He asks quietly, already knowing the answer. 

"Aramis needs you. Plus it's a one man job. No need to waste resources" he replies with regret. 

Porthos nods though Athos knows he still doesn't like it. "Yeah.. He's been forgetful" 

"You don't say" Athos deadpans

Porthos lip twitches as he tries to fight a smile and give Athos a stern look. He's glad that Athos made such an Athos type joke. "I meant around the house. Where things go and how to use things"

Athos looks down. Porthos doesn't get it. He doesn't understand how hard this is for him. To talk about Aramis. The only thing he's worried about is that Aramis doesn't remember where things go, not that he doesn't remember Athos. 

"Hey" Porthos says softly and looks up, surprised that Porthos is kneeling in front of him. "He'll get his memories back. He won't be lost forever"

"I have to go" Athos replies emotionless.

"Yeah, okay" Porthos says and kisses Athos deeply. 

Athos drowns in the kiss. Finally getting the touch he's been craving for four days. He whimpers when Porthos pulls away and follows his lips. 

Porthos puts his forehead against Athos' and kisses him softer. "Five days"

"Five days" Athos confirms. 

Porthos gets up and walks to the door. "Be careful" with that he walks out the door, leaving Athos alone once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and suggestions are welcome.


	3. Chapter 3

*Five days ago*

It started like every other day for Athos, he woke up in the arms of his lovers. Feeling safe and warm. It was snowing throughout the night so he was dreading going outside. He wanted nothing more than to stay inside their warm bedroom wrapped up in each other. He smiles at the thought and snuggles closer to Aramis. Aramis hates the cold so it's important to keep him warm. 

"Mmm.. Good Morning, Mi Amor" Aramis says happily, scooting as close as humanly possible to Athos.

Athos smiles and kisses the back of Aramis neck. Mornings like this is what he lives for. The feel of his lovers skin against his lips. His scent filling his nostrils. Athos kisses his neck again then bites gently. 

"Aaaathooossss" Aramis groans and pushes back into Athos hips. 

"Yes?" He replies with a grin then bites again a little harder than before.

"We are gonna wake the others if you don't stop" Aramis quietly whispers, wiggling his hips anyway. 

Athos kisses up the side of Aramis' neck to his ear and whispers huskily "Do you want me to stop?"

Aramis turns around to face Athos and kisses him deeply. Athos threads his fingers through Aramis' hair and pulls tightly causing him to moan into the kiss. 

"What a great view to wake up to" Porthos' deep sleepy voice breaks them out of their kiss. "Keep that up and we'll never get to work on time"

Athos pushes Aramis on his back and gives open mouth kisses down his neck and across his chest. Aramis writhing in pleasure underneath him effectively wakes D'Artagnan up.

"Good Morning" he says as he leans over Aramis to kiss him. Aramis groans, deepening the kiss. He pulls D'Artagnan closer to him devouring his mouth. 

Porthos laughs and shakes his head. "We were late once this week. We can't be late again." It was hard being the voice of reason but Athos was currently busy and someone had to do it.

Athos looks up at Porthos and drags his tongue across Aramis' hipbone. Aramis gasps bucks his hips forcing Athos to hold them down. 

"Or.. We could send a letter to the Captain telling him we are ill and spend the day worshipping Aramis" Athos suggests and bites the spot he just licked.

"Fuck me" Porthos groans his hand sliding down his body to squeeze his rapidly swelling cock. It's not everyday Athos is in a mood like this.

"We could do that to" 

"Athos!" His three lovers yell, Aramis for a completely different reason than the other two.

Athos rests his forehead against Aramis hip and breathes deeply. He knows Porthos is right. He knows they can't stay home all day but it's so tempting. So very tempting. He traces the line of Aramis' v with his tongue. Aramis moans and squirms beneath him.

"Please.." Aramis begs breathlessly 

"You two have five minutes before we leave" Porthos says as he gets out of bed "We'll finish ravishing Aramis when we get home tonight"

Aramis whines and looks at Porthos with pleading eyes "Please"

D'Artagnan kisses Aramis once more and gets up "The anticipation and wait will be worth it, Mis"

"Fine. You're right. We need to go" Athos concedes as he gets off of Aramis.

"I dislike all of you" Aramis pouts  
-  
-  
*Present Day*

Athos shakes his head in hopes of clearing the memory from his mind. Right now wasn't the best time to be thinking about that. He had to focus on the road, on where he was going. He's been gone for a day and yet it feels like a lifetime. He was hoping this trip would improve his mood but it has only been a day. Maybe the farther away he got the less he'll think about them. Athos snorted at the ridiculous thought. In someways he is happier. He doesn't have to pretend. Just him for the next four days.  
-  
-  
*Five days ago*

"We should have stayed in bed" A bundled up Aramis says as they walk to the Garrison. 

"I agree" Athos says and moves closer to him to block the wind. 

Athos heart is full of love. The one thing he thought he would never feel again. He can't wait to get home tonight. Even if they end up not having sex. Just being with his lovers is enough for him. 

"You're in a great mood today, Mi Amor." Aramis whispers, lightly bumping into him.

Athos lip twitches in a half smile. Today is a magnificent day. The normal bad thoughts of his lovers leaving him and how worthless he is are quieted and safely tucked away in the back of his mind. He doesn't know why but he thanks the heavens for this small favor. 

Athos leans closer to Aramis to whisper "I have three great loves that make my life worth living. Of course I'm in a great mood" 

Athos shocked himself with that one. Normally he has a hard time telling them how he feels and expressing his feelings. Aramis stops walking and has a huge grin on his face. They are lost in their own little world for a moment before Porthos clears his throat. 

When Athos and Aramis turn towards them, Porthos and D'Artagnan are smiling, having heard what Athos said.

"Maybe we should have stayed in bed" Porthos mutters and continues walking.  
-  
-  
*Present Day*

Athos rides faster his eyes filling with tears. He was foolish to let his guard down. He was foolish for feeling safe. How could he be so stupid? How could he think that he was anything but worthless. Fuck. He wants to go back to that morning. He wants to demand they stay home. Who cares if it's suspicious? As long as they were together. They were always together. If one is sick it's only natural that the others would be... Right? Aramis wouldn't have fell.. He wouldn't have forgotten him.. 

Athos shakes his head and rides even faster. It's starting to snow. Just like it was five days ago. He will have to stop at the next inn he passes if it doesn't let up.  
-  
-  
*Five days ago*

"Is it ever going to stop snowing?" D'Artagnan asks shivering 

"Eventually" Athos replies "I thought you liked snow?"

"I do.. When I'm inside" 

Porthos and Aramis laughs, Athos smirks behind his cup of wine. His young gascon is adorable. 

"Let's warm up" Aramis suggests "Grab your sword, D'Art" 

D'Artagnan grabs his sword and struts confidently to the open space. Athos shakes his head fondly. He loves watching them. Watching how their muscles moves, the power behind every swing of the blade. The difference between Aramis' experienced skill and D'Artagnan's raw talent. Aramis bows with a flourish and gets into fighting stance. D'Artagnan lunges forward starting the fight. 

Athos and Porthos watch and make corrections from the sidelines. Suddenly Aramis slips on ice that was hidden by snow. His sword goes flying in the air as he falls backwards. Before anyone has time to react, Aramis' head made contact with a rock that should have been moved ages ago. He was unconscious only for a few moments but it was enough to stop Athos heart. The fear. The fear that he lost Aramis forever. He knelt beside Porthos and D'Artagnan who were helping Aramis sit up. 

"I'll go get a physician" Athos says, desperate for something to do. "Take him to the infirmary. We will meet you there"

Athos ran. He ran as fast as he could to the closest physician. Thank the heavens he was available. Athos quickly explained the situation and the two took off back to the Garrison. 

Relief flooded Athos as he entered the room to find Aramis sitting up on his own and talking. The physician does the exam and stitches Aramis' head. 

"He is very lucky. No damage done. Two weeks light work to be sure and come and get me if he feels dizzy or passes out" with that the physician left. 

Athos walks forward and takes Aramis' hand. "I'm so glad you're okay" 

Aramis pulls his hand back and looks at Porthos confused then looks back at Athos. "Who are you?"

Athos world shattered. He couldn't breathe and the air felt stifling. D'Artagnan laughs "Come on, Mis. That's mean" he says, thinking that Aramis is playing a joke. 

"What?" Aramis demands somewhat angrily "Who is he?" 

Porthos moves forward and grabs Athos arm to comfort him. "Mis.. This is Athos. We've known him for ten years. He's our best friend. A member of the Inseparables"

Of course Porthos doesn't mention the relationship. It's to soon to tell what Aramis remembers. It could be to risky, he tells himself. 

"No" Aramis shakes his head "I don't..." 

Athos couldn't take it. He pulled out of Porthos grip and went for the door.  Athos didn’t know where he was going, but found himself outside on the back balcony. It had started snowing harder and for a moment, he considers going back inside finding a empty room, but then thinks better of it.  At least there was no one around to see him break down.  His lover, his best friend of ten years, didn’t remember him, at all.  He feels sick to his stomach, and immediately his mind goes to the worst-case scenario.  What if Aramis never regains his memories?  What if Aramis never loves him again? Athos knew, without a doubt, that he wouldn’t be able to handle that.  

It wasn’t Aramis' fault, but Athos couldn’t help but feel hurt and abandoned. He wonders how Aramis would react to finding out he's been in a relationship with him for a little longer than nine years. Would he welcome it? Or would he kick Athos out and tell him that he doesn't need him. He has Porthos and D'Artagnan after all. He leans over the railing, not caring that he will soon be soaked by the falling snowflakes that are melting when they make contact with his over heated body and let his tears roll down his cheeks.  He figured if anyone saw him, they wouldn’t know the difference between the tears and melted snow. Wouldn't know that his cheeks were red from crying, not from the cold. The cold that Athos couldn't feel anymore.

That's how Porthos found him. He didn't know how long it's been but his tears have slowed down. He was soaked and shivering. His body obviously cold but all he felt was heartbreak. 

"Oh love.. Come on" Porthos guided Athos inside and to a private room. He began stripping Athos of his clothing and drying him off. Athos knew he looked pathetic. Another reason for Porthos to think less of him. Athos felt a stab of guilt. Aramis was the one who was hurt yet because of Athos, Porthos was here instead of with Aramis. He also felt guilty for leaving. Aramis wouldn't have left. He would have stayed and told stories and made Athos feel safe and loved.

"Athos?" Porthos voice cut through his thoughts "Love.. It won't be forever. Even if it is.. He will fall in love with you again." Porthos smiles down at him "It would be impossible not to"  
-  
-  
*Present Day*

Tears are streaming down Athos face. He isn't paying attention. He slowed his horse down and wipes his face. Breathe.. He needs to calm his breathing. 

When the first shot rang out, Athos didn't register it. The second shot though.. The second shot hit him. Athos grabs his side and kicks his heels for his horse to go faster. It was useless. His horse is tired and he is surrounded. He hopes it will be a quick death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and suggestions are welcome


	4. Chapter 4

It's been two days. He was thrown in a small, dark and damp cell. No one has come to talk to him, feed him or tend to his wound. His throat is raw and dry from yelling and lack of water. He's been gone... Three days? Yeah... Three days. 

Athos lays his forehead against the cool wall and sighs. He's positive that he has a fever and that his wound is becoming infected. He's going to die alone. He laughs without humor. Out of all the times he's imagined his death it was never like this. Never this slow, this alone, but.. But it's right. This is how it should be. This is what he deserves. 

The thick wooden door opening and sudden blinding light pulls Athos out of his thoughts. A man wearing a black mask comes in with a tray of food and water. 

"Who are you?" Athos rasps "Why am I here?" 

"I'm here to give you food and water" The man replied in a rehearsed way. "I've brought bandages for your wounds"

"Why am I here?" Athos repeats "What do you want with me?" 

"You're questions will be answered soon" The man says as he turns around to leave. Leaving Athos once again alone in the darkness. 

Athos pulls the tray towards himself and grabs the container of water. He hears Aramis' voice in the back of his mind "Small sips, Mi Amor. You don't want to get sick" 

"Small sips" Athos says softly to himself before doing so. The water tastes so good. His mouth and throat were so dry but he knows he has to preserve it so he forces himself to stop.

Next he pulls off a chunk of bread and takes a small test bite. He doesn't want to eat fast and cause himself to throw up. Aramis has taught him so much, he muses. He looks at the medical supplies that were brought and sighs. This is going to be the difficult part. He knows it's going to hurt and he knows he needs to do it soon.

He also knows whatever he does that Aramis would do it better. 

Athos pulls up his shirt and winces as it pulls away from his wound. He picks up long tweezers and prepares himself for the pain. He has to get the bullet out. The longer it stays in, the lower his chances of survival get. 

Athos yells out as he digs for the bullet. Luckily he is able to locate it quickly and pull is out. It falls to the floor with a clank as he lets it drop. He lays his head back against the cold wall as he tires to slow his breathing. 

"You have to clean the wound, Mi Amor" He hears Aramis say "You have to clean it, stitch it and bandage it. You can do this" 

"Okay" Deep breath "Okay.. I can do this" He reaches for the alcohol, grits his teeth and pours. 

He groans in pain, happy with himself that he managed not to scream this time. He opens his eyes and blinks away the tears that have collected there. 

"Stitching. Next is stitching" He quietly murmurs to himself. 

He pulls the tray closer and examines the needle and thread. It's different than what Aramis uses. Does that matter? Is it not going to work? 

Athos takes a deep breath and begins to stitch. It's excruciating. It hurts.. It always hurts when Aramis does it but it's manageable. Doing it yourself? That's an entirely different story. With the first stitch complete, he stops, breathes and braces himself to go again.. He can do this. He thinks back the first time Aramis stitched him up.   
-  
-  
*flashback..ten years ago*

"Athos, you have to stay still" Aramis says as he prepares the needle and thread.

Athos was injured in a fight with the Red Guard. A small cut on his left arm, barely deep enough to require stitching but Aramis worries. 

"I'm trying" He replies through gritted teeth. 

He isn't nervous about getting stitches.. It wouldn't be the first time he's needed them, but, this is the first time Aramis was doing the stitching. His skin tingles in anticipation of Aramis' touch. A touch of gentle kindness. A touch he doesn't deserve. A touch he desperately wants. 

"Do I need to knock you out?" Porthos asks from across the room 

"That won't be necessary" 

Then it happens.. Aramis grabs Athos arm and turns it to expose the cut. He gently runs his finger over it, assessing the damage. Athos feels a shiver run through his body and prays that Aramis didn't notice. 

"This really doesn't need stitching" Athos tries again, wanting and not wanting Aramis to let go.

"Better safe than sorry" Aramis smiles at him "I'll kiss it afterwards" 

Athos chokes on air causing Aramis to laugh and wink at him. Athos tries his best to glare at Aramis.. He really does but there is just something about these two. When they are around he feels lighter. He can forget for a few moments about everything. He can breathe. He can be Athos, not Oliver. 

When he isn't around them, he drinks. Well he drinks when he is around them but not nearly as much.. Except on the bad days. The bad days, when he pushes them away and sits alone to drink. Watching them and wishing he was different. He's so messed up. How could they ever love me? 

"Owww" Athos suddenly yells out, getting pulled out of thoughts by the sting of the needle.

"Sorry" Aramis smiles apologetically at him and continues stitching. 

After a few minutes, Aramis gently wipes away blood and ties a bandage around his arm. "All done" Aramis leans down and softly kisses the bandage over the wound. "All better" 

Athos is sure that his heart never fully recovered.  
-  
-  
*present day*

With the last stitch in, Athos wipes away the blood and pulls his shirt back down. It's an improvement but if he is going to live he really needs to get out here. He curls up on the cold stone floor and falls into a restless sleep... But before he falls asleep he silently pleads that his lovers will come for him before its to late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it has taken me this long to update! I promise I will do better in the future!! As always comments and suggestions are welcome :)


	5. Chapter 5

When Athos didn't return on the fifth day, Porthos started to worry. He explained it to himself that maybe Athos got caught up in the snow storm and he had to stay at an inn a day longer then what was planned. Maybe the Comte de' Sacre took longer replying to the letter and Athos had to wait. Yeah.. One of those two things happened. 

When Athos didn't return on the sixth day, Porthos' had a sinking drop of his stomach, the twisting tightness of his chest. He couldn't quit looking at the gate, willing Athos to return. He explained it to himself that maybe Athos is taking his time due to Aramis. Maybe the Comte de' Sacre really had a hard time replying to the letter. Maybe Athos is stuck at an inn.. Yeah.. All probable. 

When Athos didn't return on the seventh day, Porthos panicked, spending the night thinking of the worst case scenarios. 

On the morning of the eighth day, Porthos packs his bag. He wakes D'Artagnan up to tell him goodbye, that he'll be back with Athos, and to take care of Aramis.

"And how are you going to find him.. Alone?" D'Artagnan whisper yells, trying not to wake Aramis. 

"I'm the best tracker out of all of us. I'll figure it out" 

"Let me come with you. Two sets of eyes are better than one and what if there is a fight? You'll need help." D'Artagnan sighs "Look, I know this is a lot, but you can't do this alone. I'm worried about Athos too. I'm terrified that he's hurt or worse. We can leave Aramis in the care of Constance. Do you even have a plan?" 

Porthos paces back and forth across their sitting room. The decor is a touch of all of them. Originally they were just going to have Aramis decorate the whole house but Aramis wanted it to be a group effort. Aramis almost always gets his way. The long, dark blue sofa was Athos' only choice. Porthos' heart aches just looking at it.   
-  
-  
*three years ago*

Aramis laid across Athos, dramatically sighing. "You have to pick one thing. It's not our home unless you pick one thing to help make it yours"

Athos rolled his eyes and continued reading. He set up his room the night before while Aramis and Porthos were on duty and D'Artagnan was visiting Constance. 

"Athossss it's one thing" Aramis whines as he takes his book away from him. 

"I have my room. How is it not MY home when MY stuff is in MY room?"

Aramis gives Athos his best puppy dog look "Please.. For me?" 

"Damn it! Fine"   
-  
-  
"Porthos, I'm coming with you" D'Artagnan states "We'll explain the situation to Aramis. He's concerned about Athos. After that I'll pack and we will take him to Constance." 

D'Artagnan walks up to Porthos and wraps his arms around his waist. "Okay?" He asks quietly

Porthos eyes soften as he lets out a sigh. He closes his eyes, resting his forehead against D'Artagnan's. "Okay" he kisses him gently "You're right. I need help"

He feels D'Artagnan's smile against his lips. "I'm always right" He says before kissing Porthos again.   
-  
-  
"Oliver.. Wake up" a woman says 

He knows that voice. Damn it, he knows that voice. That cold and distant voice that haunts him. 

"Anne" he tries his best to sound bored but his throat is dry and his voice is rough. When he opens his eyes, she is sitting on a chair in front of him. Giving him the cold stare that he never forgot. 

"Oliver, darling.. You look terrible" Anne says with a smile. 

"What do you want?" He glares at her "You're alive. You have your freedom. Why not just stay hidden?" 

"Payback, my dear. You took my life so I will take yours. Not literally of course but I will destroy everything you've built in the past ten years." 

Milady stands up and kneels in front of Athos "I've been watching you, Oliver. I've seen everything" 

"Leave them alone" Athos growls 

"Oh so threatening. I'm terrified" She laughs. Standing she moves to the door. "Enjoy your dinner, Oliver."   
She walks out the door and the same man as before comes in with a tray of food and water. 

Athos stares at his food for a long time, to worried to eat. All the possibilities of what Anne can do are going through his mind. He has to get out. He has to save them. He doesn't give a damn about himself or what she might do to him but he will never let anything happen to them. Over his dead body, he vows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry I haven't responded to comments and that its taken me so long to update. It's been a hectic month. Anyway.. Comments and suggestions are welcome :)


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